her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
