hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
