So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
