I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
