eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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