I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
