could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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