Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
