Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
