The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
