3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
