I puked a lego.
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That's how twitter works, right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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