i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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