I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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