I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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