I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
