I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
