So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
