I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You need a sexual gate keeper
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
