My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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