So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
