i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We're too hungover to prance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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