just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
