and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
