my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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