8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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