Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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