Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
