I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
