so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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