Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
