Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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