Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We are all done wearing pants today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
