Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
