i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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