and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
