Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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