Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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