But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
