Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Still dying that you shit outside
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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