I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
