I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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