I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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