Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
