I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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