dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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