drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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