I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
