Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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