I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
