Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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