he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
