thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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