Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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