i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize