i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
