the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
