K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
