i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
