I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
