I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
