Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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