I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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