I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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