from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
