apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
