the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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