you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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