remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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