Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
