it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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