I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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