Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
