he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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