Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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