I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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