My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
false alarm. still invincible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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