woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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