they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
