If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
