so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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