Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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