just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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