I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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