Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
