I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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