i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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