Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
