Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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