Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
