I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
